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She wakes up and is alone. But that doesn't cause her any fear, she sometimes prefers being alone now. At least, if she's alone she doesn't have to think or try to figure out what's real. She can just lie in bed and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist.

A small part of her knows that she should *not* feel that way, that curling up in her room is not a way to deal with problems and that for most of the people in the bar she only has one set of memories, but she doesn't know how much longer she can take her dreams. She meant what she said to Chris, having no memories would make things so much easier.

And she wouldn't have the nightmares anymore, the blood-soaked visions she can't escape, because she remembers standing in the supermarket and how the person behind her suddenly screamed and grabbed their nose. They were hemorrhaging and then other people followed suit, the virus spreading like wildfire.

Kim is immune and she pictures trying to help the woman and whoever else was hurting and the CDC arriving fast and waiting for her test results as she sat with her back against the customer service cage.

Then, other calls began pouring in and when she was finally free to go, that's when the men came to her door.

But part of her remembers none of that happening at all.

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Chase is anxious to see how she's doing, especially after talking to Nita. He knocks gently on the door.

Kim hears the knock and after a few moments stands and answers the door.

"Hi,"

He's pleasantly surprised to see her answering the door by herself. "Hey," he says. "You feeling any better today?"

"A little," she looks up at him and remembers him whispering to her that he'd never meant for anything to happen, that he was just trying to help...

"Well," he says, attempting to be cheerful, "a little is something." But she's giving him that look again, that 'you're a terrorist' look, and it's really worrying him.

"Can I...come in?" he asks.

[ooc: need to remember who I'm signed in as...]

She nods and moves aside, regarding him with a slightly wary expression.

His heart sinks as he sees the look on her face, but he enters the room and closes the door most of the way behind him. "I missed you yesterday," he says quietly.

He knows he can't explain why he didn't have the time to visit; it's the last thing she needs to hear, but he had missed her.

"I...I remembered something a few days ago."

He doesn't know what kind of remembering she means, so he doesn't know if it's good or bad. "What was it?" he asks.

"After," she takes a breath, "before you left CTU, you tried to tell me something, you tried to say that you were sorry and you didn't know that my dad would react that way and you tried...what did that mean?"

He tries to think of anything he did back at home that might correspond to what she's talking about, but he can't. It has to be something that his alternate-universe self--the terrorist one?--had done, and he doesn't know anything about that.

"I don't know what it means," he says, wishing he did, if only so that he could figure out what the hell went on in that place. "Honey, I never said anything like that."

"I...I've been thinking about getting my memories erased."

"What?"

The idea of getting memories erased is one that really, really squicks Chase out. Immensely. But he knows how these alternate memories have been tormenting Kim...and if they could find someone to do it properly...

"That's...that's a good idea," he says, trying not to sound too freaked-out by it, because that wouldn't be comforting. "Like, one of the Harry Potter characters could do it, if Nita doesn't know how..."

"I think it would easier to relearn everything than trying to sort what's real from what's not," she whispers.

[OOC: Sorry, just tagging when I can, because I'm at school. Responses will be erratic.]

And that's where he's misunderstood her. He hadn't thought she'd meant erasing all her memories. He feels a chill run down his spine.

"Aren't there people who can selectively modify memory?" he asks. "Isn't there a way to do it so only the fake ones will be erased? There has to be someone who could do that."

[OOC: *hugs* no problem, completely understand. OMG Canonfinaletonight!(unspoiled)]

"But, I..." she looks down, "I don't know what's real. I don't know how anyone else could either."

[OOC: Aaaaargh, don't talk about it! I'm going to have to get someone to tape it for me, because I'm not going to get home until like 9:30 tonight!]

He doesn't know how that would work either. God, what a horrible choice, though--either have all memory of the past three or four months of your life erased, or remain haunted by confusing false memories of a horrible place where you were tortured by terrorists and saw your father die...

"Who would you get to do it?" he asks quietly.

"I'm not sure, I don't know who can."

She looks up at him, "Can you find out for me?"

He closes his eyes, wishing there were some other way. But he knows as well as she does that there isn't.

"Yeah," he whispers. "I'll find someone who can do it for you."

[OOC: Will this actually be part of the Kim-plot? If so, should Chase actually look for someone with memory-erasing powers at some point? And if so, did you have anyone specific in mind?]

[ooc: um, kind of? There's another plan for the memory thing (secret) but yes, Chase could ask around.]

"Thank you. I...I want to look at you and only see you, not...whatever else I see."

[OOC: Okay. Maybe I'll have him just read up on various forms of magical memory modification and not actually go looking for someone to do it yet.]

He doesn't know what to say to that. He swallows around the rising lump in his throat and gently touches her shoulder. "I just want you to be happy again. I can't stand seeing you unhappy."

[ooc: aww, Chase. That's a good idea since I'm not sure what's going to happen exactly but it probably won't be necessary.]

"I know that my memories are hurting more than just me...they're hurting you too."

She touches the hand on her shoulder.

[OOC: Well, partly because it’ll be relevant to him too, later on. And it’s also partly because I want an excuse to make him read Harry Potter. *grin*]

“Don’t worry about hurting me,” he whispers, gently stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. “I just want you to be sure it’s what you want to do.”

[ooc: Hee. I just SAW. Sorry, was at work all day.]

"I can't think of anything else *to* do. When I try to write it out...it...it just doesn't make sense.

[OOC: No problem. Chase hasn't been around at all for two days because I've had so much homework. :)]

"I know you've put a lot of thought into it."

He trusts her. He's just afraid of letting anyone use magic like that on someone he cares about, and he's not letting himself think of the consequences if it backfired somehow.

[ooc: well also my brain = DEAD from canon and stuff]

She nods and bites her lip.

[OOC: I'm having sort of a delayed reaction to canon. I hated it last night and wanted to go smack Joel Surnow upside the head, but now that I think about it, I'm liking it more and more.]

He's a little lost in thought, wondering what exactly he's going to do about this.

He snaps out of it, for the moment. It's not the time to be worrying about it.

"Is there anything else you've been thinking about?"

[ooc: I really need to watch it again but yeah if they just haev him back at CTU next season I'll be, wtf, but they said this would change things forever...well it certainly does.]

"How he could have done it. I thought...I thought I knew him."

[OOC: I'm dying to see what they're going to do with S5. I really want to see who comes back, if anyone...and what Jack's new identity is and everything, and how Kim and Chase handle it (though knowing TPTB, they probably won't even mention our pups all damn season. *sigh*)]

Chase isn't sure who exactly she's talking about, but he can understand the sentiment. "I don't know how any of it could have happened," he says quietly.

[OOC: Don't they realize that I watch this show for family connections!? Dammit. Me too, I can't imagine what they'll do but they're actually planning it this time *shocked*]

"He...," she closes her eyes. "I didn't think he'd let people die for money."

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