July 16
7:52 AM

Miriam told her that Angie was still sleeping and Kim kept trying to reach Chris last night without much success.  Kim's dad called to tell her he was on his way in and that Chris was reporting to Division later.   He informed her they're staying at Michelle's and that she's welcome any time.  Kim repeated how sorry she was about Caiti.

Michelle's talking to Bill upstairs.

Kim is going through data when she feels something - someone - pulling her East.  She ignores it, trying to keep her mind on the work in front of her, but a few minutes later the pull becomes a need.  She stands, trying to pretend that everything's okay and almost runs to get outside.   The door is calling her  - like the desperation and fear she's sensing from far away.  Once she feels the air, she begins preparing the weave that will allow her to Gate to him.  She's a moment from embracing saidar, her hands starting to tremble, when she feels a sharp but distant pain in her shoulder.  In her head she imagines the scream and bites her lip, keeping herself from calling out, grateful that she's alone.

She's breathing heavily and without thinking is cradling her arm close to her body.  She blinks, her vision becoming blurry as she looks around for her car.  'Have to get to him' she thinks, 'he's in trouble and I have to get to him.'  The parking lot is bright and she can feel his terror.

As suddenly as the pressure arrives, it vanishes, her stomach turning as she imagines why.  But the bond isn't broken and she turns around, realizing that all she feels is numb.

She has to concentrate to push the small bundle of emotions further into the background, the ache in her shoulder easing a little, and she wipes her hand over her forehead, feeling wetness.

Kim takes another breath and lets it out slowly, trying to calm her double timed heartbeat.  She re-enters CTU from the front and goes into the bathroom to clean up a little before heading back into the bullpen  Her hand's still tingling and if she lets her thoughts wander, her shoulder starts to hurt again, but the desire and need to run have disappeared.

In some way she feels like she let Behrooz down, and when she gets out of the bathroom and is greeted by images of an undetonated suitcase nuke in DC, she wonders why she's not more surprised.

'I should have been there,' she thinks as she sits back down at her station.

Angie's hand is clasped in hers as they walk out the door.

"We're going to the park!" Angie announces to the world and is almost bouncing in her excitement.

Kim knows that it hasn't been easy for her to be inside for the last two weeks. The danger seems to have passed. CTU hasn't found any new information on the previous attacks. It doesn't make sense for them to just stop - but they have and she wants to believe it's for good.

If only she didn't feel so on edge, her stomach clenching when she hears a noise, her heart pounding harder every time the phone rings. She knows her anxiety isn't entirely from herself. She's worried about Behrooz and the fear she senses from him only makes her wonder what they're not seeing.

"Mommy, come on - " Angie tugs her hand and Kim forces a smile. She has a day off, it's a beautiful morning, and her daughter wants to play.

"Can we go to the beach tomorrow?"

Kim's about to answer her, but suddenly the world goes quiet and the ground trembles.

A bright light shines from behind them.

Before she can blink she's embraced saidar and weaves a shield of air, holding onto Angie tightly and pressing her face against her shoulder.

She's on her knees and she barely hears Angie screaming, praying that they're far enough away to survive.

Movement stops. Everything's still. Another sun blazes behind them and Kim raises her head to look up beyond the roof of the house at the cloud rising in the distance.

"Mommy," Angie whimpers and Kim strokes her hair, whispering that it will be okay, focusing on the red-gold strands under her fingertips and closing her eyes for a moment as she tries to find the strength to stand.

The world's lit with an unnatural glow, Angie's eyes even bluer than usual as she looks up at Kim.

"We have to get inside," Kim is aware of movement and the sound of doors slamming and a woman screaming somewhere near by and down the street a car starts and drives off.

She wills herself to get it together and carry Angie into the house. No time to fall apart and the only thing that feels real is Angie's arms around her neck.

Mushroom cloud to the North - North - Valencia - "No - "

A few moments later and she's in the basement and sitting with Angie who keeps asking her when they can go to the park. Kim has one arm around Angie and keeps pressing send on her cell phone, wondering if there will ever be an answer.

"It's going to be okay," she whispers in-between tries, but Angie isn't really aware of what happened and Kim keeps hearing 'all circuits are busy' instead of her dad's voice.

In less time than it takes to blink, Kim could free herself and be standing on a mound of rubble that was once a wall.

She doesn't have to submit to them. The mirror shows a reflection, but she knows it's hiding double sided glass.

They're watching her.

Thousands of miles away, she senses Behrooz, and she knows he can't be distracted or feel her fear. 'I'm sorry,' she thinks. 'I'm sorry that I can't let you be here and that I can't help you and that I was unable to figure any way out for either of us.'

She keeps her hands on the table, wanting to dig her nails in, feeling the weight of the path she's chosen. For anyone else, they'd be trapped, but she could escape, it would just mean that at least one person would know what she really is - and she can't let that information get out.

The other way out of this situation, would be to start talking, to tell them what they want to hear and save herself. If her dad knew what was happening, he'd tell her that he only wants her to be safe and that he wouldn't blame her for giving in. She knows that there's no good option, either she betrays his trust, or she stays silent and deals with the consequences.

Bill enters the room, he talks to her for a few minutes, and she wishes she could tell him the truth. Her lies are part of the reason why she's here now, if she'd only been honest, maybe he would have accepted her arguments as more than just family loyalty.

He tells her that she could be protecting an assassin, and she presses her lips together for a moment before looking up at him. He doesn't know a quarter of what her family's been through, and she intends to keep it that way.

'I know who I'm protecting and you have no idea what I could do to you right now if I let my control slip.' she thinks. She went to China, she faced unknown danger to save him, and he's done the same for her.

They want to use her to get to him and she won't let them.

A long time ago, she told her dad that she'd sooner die than be used to hurt innocent people. The situation's not exactly the same, but, she survived Mesaana, and she'll survive whatever happens next.

She saw her dad after China, she tried to remind him of reality when it slipped away, when the lights went out and just that was enough of a trigger. A sick feeling spreads through her at the thought of him in this situation. In CTU, you're guilty until they find evidence otherwise, and they wouldn't listen to denials and they'd hurt him until he confessed or they --

"He's innocent," she repeated as Bill left, and with him her chance for getting out of this unharmed.

Time passes.

Behrooz was right. She has some idea of how he felt, sitting in that room, and waiting for them to make a decision. She'll defend them even after they make her scream, because it's the only way she knows, and she's part of it. Once she only felt hate and a desire for revenge, now she tries to feel nothing at all.

She breathes in, allowing herself one last image of the rose unfurling, prepared for pain, and determined not to speak or give in.

A soft buzz and the door opens.

July 9

Kim's lying on the bed, eyes closed, arms wrapped loosely around Angie who was unable to sleep and climbed into bed in front of her. Chase stayed later at CTU, and after talking to Angie in the bar, Kim really wanted to spend more time with her daughter.

She couldn't imagine life without Angie now.

"I love you," she whispers, holding her a little closer, trying to protect her from the world.

About two years ago, Jack and Kim Bauer entered Milliways and were changed forever.

Karen and I thought it would be fun (horribly breaky) to see what would happen if they discovered the bar post 24 day 5 canon. More specifically, post day 6 prequel.

Hope you enjoy reading.

POST DAY FIVE

Kim found herself in this place a few days ago. She was confused at first and still a little wary, but she's good at wasting time and that seems to be the only thing to do around here.

A sentient bar, the universe ending outside, it was all a little too hard to believe and yet she'd never been disagnosed as delusional.

She comes downstairs, ruffling her short blonde hair. After that day at CTU, she hadn't wanted long hair anymore, remembering seeing her reflection in the glass while so many people died and --

She twists the ring on her left hand. After finding out about Chris's betrayal and death and Miriam had withdrawn and she'd almost gone to her uncle and grandfather but she knew what her dad felt about them. Instead, she clung onto Barry tighter and when she asked if her dad was okay, he'd lie to her. She knew they were lies because when Barry wasn't looking she'd done research and kept dreaming about those last moments over and over.

But, all of that felt far away here, and though she'd swore herself to Barry, she still misses someone else.

She sits near the window and watches the universe expand and contrast, thinking about how disaster is always on the other side.

[OOC: Warnings for angst, references to violence, and woe.]

May 7, 2012
Night

Kim walks into the living room, dropping her briefcase and pulling off her jacket. She throws it on a chair, figuring she'll pick it up later, and sits down on the couch, listening for signs of life.

Chase is either asleep or busy and she leans back, feeling her eyes start to close. Long day and more stressful than tiring. At least she didn't feel Behrooz's anxiety about CTU or have his fears compound hers.

She's also learned things she wishes she didn't know. She can still remember how it felt to be watched.

Her fingers undo the first two buttons of her blouse and she slips off her shoes, resisting the urge to lie down and wake up tomorrow morning. At least she's home and everything's calm.

A few days earlier she'd picked up the developed film from her dad's first few weeks back in LA. Slitting her eyes open, she sees the pictures and gently picks up the top one. She sits up a little more and examines the photo.

Dinner had been after Angie's bed time, but she still wanted to stay up and spend time with Grampa and Aunt Chris. Before carrying her off to bed, Kim had snapped a picture of her on the couch with them.

She can never bring this picture to work or let them see it or even talk about the time she spends with her family.

Kim's found herself telling so many half-truths and that's only counting the facts that sound plausible. Carrie had been diplomatic in questioning, but she knew the unspoken motives and that a lot worse than 'not okay' had probably been rumored. She wonders if Chris has heard the whispers and how she manges to keep quiet.

Some day the truth will have to come out and she only hopes that everyone can forgive them.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of footsteps behind her - but she knows the pace and weight of these steps.

Kim comes down from Moiraine's study and without pausing walks through the bar and to the door that leads home.

Behrooz's feelings are too strong here and she only feels guilty. Beyond that, she's realizing slowly what this might mean for her other relationships.

Chase has been so understanding and forgiving. She can't lose him. She's not sure what will happen to her if he finally decides to leave and her first instinct is to not tell him at all. However, if the truth comes out, he'll never understand.

Closing her eyes, she images a rose bud on a warm spring day and the petals slowly opening to the sun. Finally, she's calm enough to go back and face the consequences.

The house is quiet when she steps through and she closes the door behind her, enjoying the relative silence in her mind. Behrooz is far away, now. She expects Chase to be at work, so that when she enters their room, she's momentarily surprised.

He's laying down, eyes closed, breathing softly. He's not peaceful, but he's sleeping, and for a long moment she watches him, resisting the urge to curl up next to him and feel his arms around her and forget about the news she needs to tell him.

[Millitimed to a few weeks ago]

Behrooz is in her head. She's in his. She wanted to believe it was a side-effect, a delusion, but it's real and happening and she can see no way to sever the link. She would laugh if she wasn't so afraid of everyone's reaction to this news.

Elan. Oh God. Elan was here and could still be here and so many people to warn, and Kim knows she should tell everyone she can find but there's only one person she needs to talk to right now.

Moiraine.

She knows that her teacher has answers, will be able to...solve something, anything, because she keeps feeling Behrooz in her mind and old injuries that she'd forgotten but that his body still remembered. Her hand drifts up to touch her neck and she forces it back down.

Elan almost killed Behrooz. Her stomach turns thinking about it and it makes her want to rip something to shreds. She's trying to work on impulse control. But Elan's back and Behrooz is tied to her and if anyone knows how to deal with both situations, it's her teacher.

Kim reaches Moiraine's door and knocks, hoping that she's available.

A few days after the funeral and it's still raining.

At the funeral she'd almost forgotten to mourn, more concerned with being strong for her family than her own sorrow. Michelle almost broke her composure and she'd seen her Dad leave and not come back. It took all her willpower not to follow him, but she knew that even now, there was only so much he'd let her see.

Angie's lying down for her nap and on the way back to the living room, Kim passes their bedroom door. By not talking, she and Chase are just putting off the inevitable. There's a distance she feels when he's comforting her, as if he's just doing what he thinks she wants. But it's more than that.

She and Chase still haven't really talked about what happened and she finds it hard to believe that Tony's really gone.

Tony. Once a lover, then a friend. He's the one she could tell anything to, her Dad's best friend, almost family and on some level they understood each other more than anyone would suspect. They both knew what it was like to be a victim, to be powerless, and she realizes with a sudden sick jolt that her Dad and Chase and Chris and Angie -- they know that sensation too, know what it's like to be trapped and helpless and view events beyond your control.

'Like when they watched Tony - oh god - '

Chase didn't say anything, he acted like nothing had happened, but she would never forget seeing him lying there near death or the smells and sounds of that cave. But more than that, she can't keep being strong and pretending that Tony's death hasn't hurt her deeply. She has to tell Chase, has to tell him that she loved Tony at one point, that he was always in her thoughts, that life was so damn unfair, but that he had nothing to worry about, that she loved Tony not as a lover but as family.

Although it's the last conversation she wants to have, she knows that until she tells Chase how she felt about Tony at one time, she's not really being honest.

Taking a breath, she knocks on the bedroom door.