Sharing news with Moiraine

[agirllost]

[Millitimed to a few weeks ago]

Behrooz is in her head. She's in his. She wanted to believe it was a side-effect, a delusion, but it's real and happening and she can see no way to sever the link. She would laugh if she wasn't so afraid of everyone's reaction to this news.

Elan. Oh God. Elan was here and could still be here and so many people to warn, and Kim knows she should tell everyone she can find but there's only one person she needs to talk to right now.

Moiraine.

She knows that her teacher has answers, will be able to...solve something, anything, because she keeps feeling Behrooz in her mind and old injuries that she'd forgotten but that his body still remembered. Her hand drifts up to touch her neck and she forces it back down.

Elan almost killed Behrooz. Her stomach turns thinking about it and it makes her want to rip something to shreds. She's trying to work on impulse control. But Elan's back and Behrooz is tied to her and if anyone knows how to deal with both situations, it's her teacher.

Kim reaches Moiraine's door and knocks, hoping that she's available.

Comments

[blue_ajah]

The soft, steady glow of the wards brightens for a moment and then parts as the Aes Sedai calls out from within,

"You may enter, Kim."

[agirllost]

'Moiraine's not in my head too, is she?' Kim thinks when she hears her teacher's voice.

But if so, the other side of that link is completely silent.

Kim steadies herself and opens the door.

She's not sure where to start and is sure her teacher will be disappointed that she didn't come right away.

"Is this a bad time?" She can't not tell her about Elan and Behrooz, but a note would be so much easier.

[blue_ajah]

She is turning sideways in her chair, away from her desk, as the younger woman enters the room.

"The work that I am pursuing currently can be set aside at present," she says. "It is not a bad time, therefore."

Dark eyes are sharply assessing as she studies Kim.

"How are matters with you?"

[agirllost]

Kim walks into the room, moving toward a chair. "Things are good back home," she stalls, unable to meet her teacher's eyes. "But, something...I - there was an incident last Sunday. Here, not back in LA and it -- "

She looks down, "Something went wrong."

[blue_ajah]

She rises from the seat at her desk and comes to join Kim, taking a seat on the small sofa by the armchairs instead.

"Tell me, then."

The Aes Sedai's tone is perfectly calm, even reassuring.

[agirllost]

Kim looks down at her hands, trying to keep her voice level as she answers.

"A friend of mine almost died on Sunday and I couldn't Heal him but I thought I could give him some of my strength but now we - I - knew when he woke up, he knew when I was at his door...and that - that's impossible, isn't it?"

She glances up, hoping for reassurance.

[blue_ajah]

Moiraine grows very, very still.

"It is not impossible, actually." Her tone remains just as calm as before, but her gaze is much more intent, now.

"If you are willing to allow it, then there is something I would see."

[agirllost]

Kim's face pales a little and she clasps her hands together to keep from rubbing her arm or giving any sign of how freaked out she really is.

"It's not?" Her voice is a little softer and she nods, trusting Moiraine completely.

[blue_ajah]

"It is not, no," Moiraine tells her, as a golden light blooms around her.

She reaches out to touch Kim's forehead, very gently, and bright silver threads of light twist from her fingertips and dance across the younger woman's hair and temples, seeking-- and finding.

Kim may feel a gentle brush of Spirit shiver across the link in her mind even as Moiraine releases saidar and studies her carefully.

"I would not have thought you could find your way to such a thing as this, untrained in it."

A pause.

"How very desperate you must have been."

[agirllost]

She breathes in quickly, keeping her eyes open, even if only to watch Moiraine's actions.

And she shivers slightly as she feels a touch that's not a touch against something that is outside of her and yet a part of her now.

"What? What did I -- " She's unable to keep the fear out of her voice. "It will go away, won't it?"

[blue_ajah]

Moiraine shakes her head.

"Not in and of itself, Kim." Her calm tone is quiet and steadying. "But do not think of it as something of harm, if you can, for it is not."

"What you have done is to bond a Warder."

[agirllost]

A bond. She knows that term, understands the concept of a telepathic bond but it sounds like Moiraine is talking about something a little deeper.

"A warder?" Kim's eyes narrow as she thinks. "Does that mean that Behrooz is...a kind of shield?"

[blue_ajah]

"I would not necessarily call him that, precisely," Moiraine says.

Her tone is very dry.

"Although protection is considered part of it, of course."

[agirllost]

"Part of what? Is this - is it something that goes both ways? Does he know where I am? Does he know when I - " she cuts herself off, remembering Moiraine seeing her in the dream world and what she must have witnessed.

[blue_ajah]

"The bond is a weave of Spirit that links the two of you," the Aes Sedai tells her. "Which, I suspect, you have already realized. It is one of the most intricate weaves known to the Aes Sedai, and for you to have accidentally accomplished it is significant indeed."

"You will be aware of him, and he of you; I myself have found it something like the feel of a knot of emotions in the back of my mind. You will know where he is at all times, or should, and will be able to draw upon his strength for support, and he upon your power for endurance and Healing, among other things."

[agirllost]

She nods, trying to get her mind around this new information. Some distant part of her is pleased at the accomplishment, but she's realizing that this is not a temporary situation.

"You have a warder?" She thinks about the people she's seen around Moiraine, but can't pick one out. "Are there - I mean, is your warder aware of actions or just emotions?" She's trying to ask something but doesn't want to say the words.

[blue_ajah]

The sudden silence very nearly has weight of its own.

"I have, in the past," Moiraine says, finally. "For more than twenty years, as it happens."

A pause, and she tilts her head, studying Kim carefully.

"Actions?"

[agirllost]

Kim can tell she's touched on something that Moiraine's reluctant to share. "Twenty years? That's...a long time."

And she almost blushes. "Actions, like when you're sleeping, or training, or...other activities." She finishes softly.

[blue_ajah]

"It is." Calmly. "We worked well together, I think. It may be that you shall have the opportunity to meet him, as it happens."

The Aes Sedai studies her for a moment, and then inclines her head slightly.

"I see. It is not as though the one bonded is present and looking over your shoulder, Kim, but with time one may learn to discern from context and emotion something of what may be occurring."

A pause.

"What does your friend think of this situation?"

[agirllost]

He's still alive. She wasn't expecting that.

"So then it's removable?" Her voice is hopeful.

"I guess not, but more that I," she forces herself to look up at Moiraine, trying not to hide when things get difficult, even if she's still tempted to do so. "I'm getting married soon." And she almost holds up her hand.

"Behrooz? We only just talked, he doesn't really...know the situation."

But she can sense his frustration and discomfort.

[blue_ajah]

There is yet another pause, in which the Aes Sedai studies her carefully.

"It is meant to be permanent unto death," she says. "However, it is also not a thing that is usually done by accident, although there have been times in the past when such a bonding was made against the other's will."

There is something of cool distaste in her tone as she says this.

"To unweave what is woven is often more complicated a matter than weaving it in the first place. Still, such things are not impossible, should you truly wish it so."

A beat.

"I have something of an interest in Behrooz, as it happens."

[agirllost]

She swallows and nods, knowing that she didn't ask him and he would have never chosen this.

Now, she does look away.

"I'm so sorry that I did this to him, but I couldn't let him die...I - I had to do something. Do you think he'll forgive me?" She can't hide her worry and knows it's not a question that Moiraine answer.

Her eyes narrow slightly, "Interest?"

[blue_ajah]

"It is a question that you would do better to ask of him than of me, I should think."

Her advice is calmly given, a clear contrast to Kim's worry.

"Certainly," she adds. "He is a Wolfbrother, after all."

[agirllost]

"I just thought since you had more experience you might have some idea," she says softly. "Have you only had one warder?"

And she nods again, "I know. He can...sense things."

[blue_ajah]

Something almost unreadable passes over her expression.

"There are different customs for the different Ajahs when it comes to bonding Warders," she explains, after a moment.

"Those of the Green may have more than one Warder at a time, for example; those of the Blue, by tradition, choose one. As the bond is meant to be permanent until death--"

She shrugs, expressively. There is a pause, and then,

"I am something of an exception. The Wheel weaves."