agirllost

After the conversation with her dad she had to get upstairs, had to be alone, had to allow herself to think about Chase, about Angela about the life she's left behind.

Dad's memories aren't hers. She can't even imagine if those memories are possible now and wonders if like in Back to the Future, the memories will fade in his mind. If a picture taken of them at that time would slowly vanish. She can't remember ever feeling this guilty, a secret she can't ever tell him, not after that conversation. And forget about dad, if Chase ever found out...she used to love his smiles but he hasn't smiled in a while and she's barely seen him between physical therapy and searching for a new job and....

Stupidly, she thought her dad would understand, that maybe he saw the change in Chase but no...apparently a year from now and everything is okay. Better than okay.

But she's not a woman who has been married for 20 years. Still, she forgot that she wasn't alone, that she wasn't single, that she couldn't just...do what she wanted.

She takes a breath and lets it out, her hands near her face, she doesn't want to get up.

And she remembers falling in love with Chase...the excitement and the danger and...

Now there's Tony and Tony's so different from Chase and she feels so safe in his arms and electrified at the same time.

If Chase knew it would break his heart, but the memories her dad has she doesn't yet and maybe she jumped into this thing with Tony but she can't...let him go.

She goes to sleep.

( Nightmare )

Kim wakes up alone. She turns over and stares at the pillow, not really wanting to move. Her heart's racing. That felt...way too real.

There's a knock on her door.