A while later, Kim comes upstairs after spending a number of hours in the bar. She had a few awkward conversations but she was preoccupied to say the least and right now she just wanted to close her eyes. She kept watching the stairs and the wall, waiting for someone to come after her dad or for him to try and sneak away. Neither happened, but worrying is exhausting.
She pauses at the door, not sure if she hopes he's awake or asleep. She's too tired to talk but she wants to make sure that he is only sleeping. Part of her wishes that he'd comfort and protect her, which she knows is not only unlikely but impossible. That version of her dad exists only in her memories and she's still not sure that she wants to let him back into her life. Or maybe it's more true that he won't let her into his, and she can't blame him for pushing her away.
Instead of knocking, she opens the door and finds that her dad's breathing evenly and still fast asleep. She sits in a chair by the bed, it's not an ideal sleeping position but she'll deal with it for a few hours. Leaning on one hand, she watches him for a few moments, sleepy but unable to stop her thoughts.
"I need you to know that I don't blame you. I - I've been angry with you for a long time, but I understand. I'm not going to tell you what I've been through and I know you won't tell me. I just...I never wanted you to get hurt and I was protecting myself because losing you once was...it was really hard and I wanted to hate you for lying to me, I really wished that I could. I only saw the danger you put me in, not the danger that surrounds you and I - if you'd only told me, I would have missed you, but I would have...I wouldn't have mourned you," she whispers, barely above a breath, talking more for herself than for him. "You could have trusted me. But if this is what you ran from...I can't blame you. I can't."
She rubs her eyes and brings her knees up to her chest, hugging them close.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-02-11 05:53 am (UTC)She pauses at the door, not sure if she hopes he's awake or asleep. She's too tired to talk but she wants to make sure that he is only sleeping. Part of her wishes that he'd comfort and protect her, which she knows is not only unlikely but impossible. That version of her dad exists only in her memories and she's still not sure that she wants to let him back into her life. Or maybe it's more true that he won't let her into his, and she can't blame him for pushing her away.
Instead of knocking, she opens the door and finds that her dad's breathing evenly and still fast asleep. She sits in a chair by the bed, it's not an ideal sleeping position but she'll deal with it for a few hours. Leaning on one hand, she watches him for a few moments, sleepy but unable to stop her thoughts.
"I need you to know that I don't blame you. I - I've been angry with you for a long time, but I understand. I'm not going to tell you what I've been through and I know you won't tell me. I just...I never wanted you to get hurt and I was protecting myself because losing you once was...it was really hard and I wanted to hate you for lying to me, I really wished that I could. I only saw the danger you put me in, not the danger that surrounds you and I - if you'd only told me, I would have missed you, but I would have...I wouldn't have mourned you," she whispers, barely above a breath, talking more for herself than for him. "You could have trusted me. But if this is what you ran from...I can't blame you. I can't."
She rubs her eyes and brings her knees up to her chest, hugging them close.