agirllost

Kim opens her eyes. At some point during the night she might have fallen asleep but time just ceased to have meaning. She remembers last night in detail but still doesn't know how she feels. Sometimes her thoughts overwhelm her, they make it difficult to move forwards. Instead, there are no thoughts, she encounters only empty space.

After she read the letter it was like the world began to move in slow-motion. She looked down at her own wrists, afraid to find them bleeding, and she thought she had to be dreaming because what was happening couldn't be part of reality. Tony couldn't have written her a letter where he blamed her for his impending death. It was just part of her dream and she would wake up at any moment.

Tony's dead, she thought and that felt wrong, but it was because she didn't get there in time, didn't try hard enough. He was right. So if Tony was dead, she knew her dad must be dead too, but there he was in front of her before he vanished again. She expected the bar to melt away, to turn into her bed, for this to all just be a nightmare. But as she sat there, time just kept passing and she barely noticed until Tony was suddenly in front of her again and he was so pale. And cold. And his wrists were bandaged and she had known it, had seen it, had imagined it but had done nothing to stop it. He was right to blame her.

Everyone else was a blurry picture she couldn't make out, their words a language she couldn't understand, and she suddenly needed silence more than she thought possible.

No one seemed to understand. No matter what they did. No matter how hard they tried to save them. One or both of them would die.

It is a truth she feels, bloody images she sees and can't erase from events that haven't happened - most likely will *never* happen.

No one is ever safe.

Kim knows that, understands the meaning of those words better than most people. She's allowed herself to forget, to live life without consequences, speak without thinking and now everything is in danger.

She probably won't respond much to company but feel free to bother her anyway.