(no subject)

[agirllost]

'I am the bud, I am the flower, be the flower, feel the sun on your petals, feel yourself opening up to the Source...' she thinks as she sits crosslegged on her bed. At the moment though, she feels more like a weed than a rose.

Other things keep interrupting her practice - thoughts about her family she can't push out of her mind, worries about the future, and most of all this sensation that she's standing at the edge of a cliff and about to jump off. But she feels, for the first time in weeks, that something will catch her if she takes that first step.

Selae was a patient teacher and she answered Kim's questions without making her feel like an idiot for asking them. Some of what her teacher said was too familiar for comfort, but she listened intently, and tried to follow along.

'I am the bud. I open up to the world, I surrender to the Source...' she thinks again, trying to clear her mind.

'I've frightened them all, I've hurt them, and I don't know how I'm going to make things right again'

She almost had Saidar and it slips away, pushing her back to the beginning of trying to clear her mind.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_righthandman_/]

That's about how Chase has been feeling for days, the constant loop of I've hurt her, I've scared her, she'll never speak to me again.

But he has to talk to her and he isn't backing down now.

He knocks on the door.

[agirllost]

Kim is still practicing, she's almost felt Saidar, when a knock at the door interrupts her concentration - again.

She opens the door, her slight smile fading as she takes in his appearance.

"Chase."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_righthandman_/]

He knows he isn't welcome. But though he can no longer sense a Channeler by being one himself, just looking at her, he knows everything he's worried about is true.

"Kim--I'm so sorry--"

[agirllost]

"Sorry?" She's confused and steps out into the hall, closing the door to make sure they don't wake up Angela.

"What are you sorry for?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_righthandman_/]

He exhales slowly. Where the hell does he start?

"After I hurt you, when I lost control of the powers," he says, keeping his voice low, "I...I didn't know how to stop them from slipping and doing something like that again. And this guy named Q--omnipotent, and omniscient, he knew everything that was going on already--showed up and offered his services, and I asked him if he could get rid of my powers for me. And he did, but he said he'd have to transfer them to someone else. I tried to take them back again, but he told me it was too late, and...gave them to you. I didn't know until recently..."

[agirllost]

Her eyes widen slightly, "That explains it," she whispers and looks up at him.

"I know, I didn't know for...a while what was happening, but I met someone and they told me and I know what's happening. And...Chase...it's okay."

"The powers are hard to control -- I almost set something on fire a few days ago. It was scary, I...wish you told me about this sooner, but, now...you've given me a gift."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_righthandman_/]

"A gift?"

You aren't pissed-off? I've given you these powers that I used to hurt you...

...but if you use them to hurt people...if you want...

"I should have told you sooner." He swallows. "But...you're learning how to use them right? Not like I did?"

[agirllost]

She nods, "I found someone who is helping me learn to control them, they taught me some exercises, it's...difficult but Chase, if I can do this, if I can learn how to use them to full effect...I will never be helpless again."

She reaches up to touch his cheek, "I'm not angry with you. I had a really rough couple of days, but things are better now...will be better."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_righthandman_/]

I will never be helpless again...

It begins to sink in. Maybe...Kim should have had these powers all along. When he isn't thinking of them as a curse--they only ever were a curse because he couldn't handle them, had never had training--he knows she deserves them.

And the touch to his face is such a relief...

"As long as they'll be okay," he whispers.

[agirllost]

"Better than okay," she whispers in return, turning her hand over and running it down his face. "You haven't been sleeping, have you?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_righthandman_/]

"Not much," he admits. "I should have talked to you sooner."

Hesitantly, he pulls her closer, into a hug.

[agirllost]

She hugs him back, feeling like things are finally going to be okay.

"It's okay, we're all pretty good at avoidance...I should have gone to look for you."