agirllost | AU Post Season Five

About two years ago, Jack and Kim Bauer entered Milliways and were changed forever.

Karen and I thought it would be fun (horribly breaky) to see what would happen if they discovered the bar post 24 day 5 canon. More specifically, post day 6 prequel.

Hope you enjoy reading.

POST DAY FIVE

Kim found herself in this place a few days ago. She was confused at first and still a little wary, but she's good at wasting time and that seems to be the only thing to do around here.

A sentient bar, the universe ending outside, it was all a little too hard to believe and yet she'd never been disagnosed as delusional.

She comes downstairs, ruffling her short blonde hair. After that day at CTU, she hadn't wanted long hair anymore, remembering seeing her reflection in the glass while so many people died and --

She twists the ring on her left hand. After finding out about Chris's betrayal and death and Miriam had withdrawn and she'd almost gone to her uncle and grandfather but she knew what her dad felt about them. Instead, she clung onto Barry tighter and when she asked if her dad was okay, he'd lie to her. She knew they were lies because when Barry wasn't looking she'd done research and kept dreaming about those last moments over and over.

But, all of that felt far away here, and though she'd swore herself to Barry, she still misses someone else.

She sits near the window and watches the universe expand and contrast, thinking about how disaster is always on the other side.

[OOC: Warnings for angst, references to violence, and woe.]

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From:

agirllost

"I just woke up a few hours ago. I'm not going to sleep for a while." She's tempted to tell him this isn't up for debate. Telling him he looks exhausted would only be pointing out the obvious. "You need it more than I do."

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

He's too tired to argue, particularly when he's not used to putting up much resistance besides stoic silence.

"Okay," he says, rubbing his eyes with his left hand before slowly pushing himself out of the chair.

From:

agirllost

After an awkward moment of silence, she stands, and folds her arms against her chest. She gives him more room than necessary, almost positive that if she wasn't his daughter, he would have asked her to leave a while ago. As it is, she keeps her distance, trying to hide her wariness.

"It's a good bed, better than you'd find at most hotels," she says, taking another step back.

From:

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"It's a bed," he says, making it to his feet and shuffling across the floor. Hell, even the most lumpy, ratty, battered bed would feel like heaven after sleeping on a concrete floor for so long.

From:

agirllost

She watches him as he inches toward the bed and wants to hold onto his arm and help him but has no idea how to offer. Instead, she pulls down the sheets and cover and steps away from the bed again.

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

"You don't have to tuck me in," he says. To say this is embarassing is a vast understatement. Part of him hates himself for pushing her away when he finally has her back, but there's too much between them for them to just be like they once were, and he's too overwhelmed at the moment to try and start sorting it out at the moment.

From:

agirllost

"I wasn't going to," she says, blushing slightly and looking away from him. It's been a long time since she's felt this awkward, but until he's lying down she can't leave.

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

He kind of wishes she'd go instead of standing there and watching him, but it'll only delay his getting some sleep and quiet.

Climbing into bed, he turns on his side as it's the least painful position. It feels so good to be sleeping on a mattress, with a pillow beneath his head, for a moment he doesn't care if this is a setup or a hallucination.

From:

agirllost

It takes her two tries to get a deep enough breath. He's lying down and as comfortable as he could be at the moment; he's making it clear that he wants to be alone. And she doesn't want to add to his guilt by starting to cry.

"I'll see you later," her voice is a little strained but she manages to leave the room before having to hold her hand over her mouth.

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

He nods, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to see her expression and pulling the blankets around him. It only takes a couple minutes for him to drift off into a deep, restful sleep; the first he's had in a long time.

From:

agirllost

A while later, Kim comes upstairs after spending a number of hours in the bar. She had a few awkward conversations but she was preoccupied to say the least and right now she just wanted to close her eyes. She kept watching the stairs and the wall, waiting for someone to come after her dad or for him to try and sneak away. Neither happened, but worrying is exhausting.

She pauses at the door, not sure if she hopes he's awake or asleep. She's too tired to talk but she wants to make sure that he is only sleeping. Part of her wishes that he'd comfort and protect her, which she knows is not only unlikely but impossible. That version of her dad exists only in her memories and she's still not sure that she wants to let him back into her life. Or maybe it's more true that he won't let her into his, and she can't blame him for pushing her away.

Instead of knocking, she opens the door and finds that her dad's breathing evenly and still fast asleep. She sits in a chair by the bed, it's not an ideal sleeping position but she'll deal with it for a few hours. Leaning on one hand, she watches him for a few moments, sleepy but unable to stop her thoughts.

"I need you to know that I don't blame you. I - I've been angry with you for a long time, but I understand. I'm not going to tell you what I've been through and I know you won't tell me. I just...I never wanted you to get hurt and I was protecting myself because losing you once was...it was really hard and I wanted to hate you for lying to me, I really wished that I could. I only saw the danger you put me in, not the danger that surrounds you and I - if you'd only told me, I would have missed you, but I would have...I wouldn't have mourned you," she whispers, barely above a breath, talking more for herself than for him. "You could have trusted me. But if this is what you ran from...I can't blame you. I can't."

She rubs her eyes and brings her knees up to her chest, hugging them close.

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

He's used to waking up with a start at the slightest noise, at a kick or someone grabbing him by the arms, or shining a light on him. To be yanked out of sleep abruptly, dragged out of his refuge, as he rarely got to sleep long enough for nightmares to begin.

This time, though, he's gently pulled awake by a soft sound nearby, floating between asleep and awake for a few minutes before he's finally aware of some of his surroundings. For a moment he thinks he has to be dreaming, wrapped in warm blankets, aching body cushioned by a soft mattress. But then he hears movement only a couple feet away and tenses, eyes blinking open, peering through the darkness around him, trying to remember where he is.

From:

agirllost

The moonlight's shining in just enough to allow Kim to see his eyes open. "Dad, it's okay, you're safe," she says, knowing that when she woke up after a traumatic event it was what she needed to hear.

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

The voice makes him start and he turns to see who's there, wincing and letting out a soft moan of pain as he feels his muscles pull, tugging at his wounds.

Belatedly he realizes who's talking, but the haze of sleep hasn't quite cleared and his memory of earlier is fuzzy. "Kim?" he says in a low croak, not entirely sure he believes what he's heard.

From:

agirllost

Hearing him in pain affects her and she looks away, not wanting him to see how much. "Who else would call you Dad?" She fumbles for the lamp switch.

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

"Don't think I want to find out," he says, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, squinting and turning away from the light as she turns the lamp on.

He's remembering more and more about how he got here and everything that had happened since he walked in the door downstairs, and he's not sure what to say. Instead he sits there for a moment, absentmindedly rubbing at the scar tissue on the back of his right hand.

From:

agirllost

"Sorry," she whispers. "I -," she stumbles over words, twisting the ring on her left hand. "Are you hungry?"

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

"It's okay," he says, softly. Thinking for a moment, he finally nods. Really, he shouldn't have had to think about it; he's always hungry now, and he can't remember when the last time was that they'd given him anything to eat. "Yeah, a bit."

From:

agirllost

"Okay," she lowers her feet to the floor and stands. The soup might be cold now and he might need something more to eat. She mentally berates herself for not remembering when she was downstairs and walks over to the tray. Pressing her hand against the thermos it feels cool, but steam rises after she takes off the lid. This Bar has really good storage containers. She brings the tray over to the bed and puts it down on the bedside table.

She hasn't had to take care of anyone since Angie and she's unprepared for the sharp pain that memory causes, holding her hand against her chest and breathing through the moment. She turns away and pours the soup into a bowl, then sits down again.

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

He takes the bowl from her hands, but even as the smell of the soup hits his nostrils and his stomach urges him to devour it as quickly as possible, instead he just stirs it with his spoon for a moment, uncomfortable.

Fuck, what is he doing here? For so long all he'd wanted was to see Kim again, and then he gets his wish and all they can do is pull back into their shells and say things that hurt each other. He can't even be comfortable sleeping or eating with her in the room, and maybe that's because he hasn't had a lot of human contact where someone wasn't trying to inflict pain on him, but it's also because he can't stop remembering her telling him that he hurt her so badly, that he was so much of a danger to her and others that she didn't want to see him again.

He wants his daughter back so badly, but nothing that she said then has changed, really, and he's not sure that there's much left of him to offer her as a father. As much as she couldn't deal with being hurt by him again after she found out he was alive, he's not sure he can open himself up to hearing her tell him that she can't see him anymore again. He's not sure he can open himself up to feeling much of anything again, much less the hurt that that might bring.

But he's stuck here at the moment, and unless he's going to hurt her again by running away he has to stay a little longer. He forces down a few mouthfuls of soup, stopping for a minute when his stomach realizes this isn't something that's likely to make him sick, forcing himself to take it slowly. He doesn't want to wolf it down ravenously in front of her, even if he's tempted to do so.

Idly stirring the soup for a moment, he doesn't look up at her as he whispers, "I'm sorry."

From:

agirllost

She hears the spoon brush against the side of the bowl and forces herself to pick up the book by the bed and begin reading. She knows that he doesn't want her here and especially wouldn't like her watching him eat. Hell, he was even careful not to touch her hands when she gave him the bowl. The page blurs in front of her but she keeps her focus on words she can't read and a story she has no hope of following.

Another long period of silence passes and she doesn't look up, trying to give him privacy and distance.

When he speaks it's a surprise and she blinks, attempting to clear her vision before looking at him. It doesn't work.

"For what?" She breathes. He could be apologizing for anything, she's not sure he's even talking to her.

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

"For...for everything," he says. It's vague, he knows that, but he can't voice everything that's going on in his head right now. For making you think I was dead and nearly destroying you. For all the times I've kept my distance from you. For only hurting you since I got here.

His throat is starting to feel tight, and he lifts one hand to rub his face, trying to take a deep breath and turn off his emotions before they can show.

From:

agirllost

"Everything's not your fault," she says after a moment, letting the book drop to the floor and hesitantly resting her hand on the bed near him. "I - I hurt you, too. And I need you to know that I get it, I...know why you did what you did, I don't...I can't blame you."

From:

action-antihero.livejournal.com

He shakes his head, still not looking at her, now almost wishing he still had that long hair to hide behind. It may have been a reminder of where he'd come here from but he's realizing it also made him feel less exposed.

"That doesn't excuse everything I've put you through," he says, his voice starting to fade. Fuck he should just go, and...and do what, exactly? A number of options and he doesn't know what to do with any of them.