(no subject)

[agirllost]

"Shhh...everything's gonna be okay, sweetie," a woman's voice whispered.

"Mom?"

She smelled hay and felt her mom's lap under her head. A hand was stroking her hair, calming her.

"What-where..."

"He has us but your dad, he's going to save us. Do you believe me?"

She looked up into her mom's earnest eyes.

"I want to..."

The door opened and it wasn't Eli who walked in and grabbed her arm, pulling her up - it was Ramon.

"I can hurt you whenever I want," he whispered against her ear. His fingers dug into her skin.

She shook with not fear, she was surprised to find, but rage. "Touch me again and I'll kill you."

He laughed and pushed her against the wall, pinning her wrists with one hand and the weight of his body made it hard to move. "Don't make me hurt her," he touched her cheek to turn her head.

Her mom was gone, in her place was Angela.

Kim felt resignation like a drug in her veins. "I won't fight you," she whispered, looking up at him as he moved his hand down her chest...

She wakes up with a start, still able to smell the room and his cologne, and she doesn't want to think of what that dream might mean.

'If you could keep everyone safe - would you do it?'

She brings her knees up to her chest and sits like that for a while.

Comments

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

Elaine comes to Kim's room, hoping Kim would not be very angry at her for telling Jack about her concerns. She knocks quietly on the door.

"Kim?"

[agirllost]

She recognizes Elaine's voice.

Even though she hasn't left the room, she has showered, needed to shower, might have scrubbed a little too hard. But she's sitting on her bed with wet hair and a spy novel of some sort. Needless to say, she's not really paying attention. But it's better than her own thoughts.

She opens the door. "Hi Elaine."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Hi," Elaine says. Sometimes that simple, two-letter greeting is better than her highly formal one. It's more friendly.

"I was concerned about you and wanted to see how you are." she says quietly.

From the look of her, Elaine would assume Kim is not doing well.

[agirllost]

"I'm just not feeling very well," she lies, because she has no idea that Elaine knows.

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

Elaine comes a little closer and says quietly, "I know what happened, Kim. I met the animal on my shift, I saw him in your memories, and I spoke to your father."

[agirllost]

"You saw my memories?" she whispers.

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Remember, when we were sorting things out? We both looked at them, to make sure which were the right memories, and which were not."

[agirllost]

She nods, "But I thought you didn't...," she looks down. "You saw what he did?"

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Only a glance, Kim, and then I put it away, a glance to make sure."

[agirllost]

"I couldn't stop him, Elaine. He -- if we weren't in the bar..."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

Elaine comes in and closes the door--she had to get out of the corridor before someone--namely, Salazar--saw her speaking with Kim. "But you are in the bar. Security is keeping an eye on the situation, and so am I--as far as I know, that animal doesn't know that I know you." Elaine is careful not to touch Kim--she doesn't know how she would react, and Elaine has no desire to cause pain.

"There are people more powerful than him in the bar, Kim."

[agirllost]

She shakes her head, "Doesn't matter, if he wants to hurt someone he'll...he'll find a way. And I should have been able to, I should have..."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Should have what?" Elaine asks gently.

[agirllost]

"Stopped him," she whispers. "But couldn't move."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"What would you have done to stop him?"

She has to begin thinking in a more active line, Elaine thinks. She'll go mad, thinking that she's failed this way.

[agirllost]

"Hands were free, could have gotten his throat or eyes - when he was sitting I could have shattered his kneecap with a well placed kick but I...I didn't do anything."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Have you thought of what you will do when you meet him next?" Elaine asks, her voice quiet. "This is a Bar of finite space, and if someone wishes to find a person, they will."

[agirllost]

She nods, "Ignore him. He can't...but if he tries to hurt Angie and I can't stop him...I mean, I froze."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Ignoring him won't work, Kim. I think you know that." Elaine clasps her hands in front of her. "What are you going to do?"

[agirllost]

"I don't know...I told myself that the things that happened elsewhere were because I was outnumbered and had a concussion and...but it was just him and I couldn't stop him."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Were you suprised by him, when he hurt you? It is no shame to be surprised by an enemy you did not know was there. But you know he's here now, you can prepare yourself."

[agirllost]

She shakes her head, "I knew he was here...I had time when he was sitting across from me, when he was just talking...I -- I wasn't surprised."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"So...you froze once, but you don't have to do that again, Kim. You need to prepare yourself, and you can't stay up here forever."

[agirllost]

"I'm not staying in my room because I'm afraid."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Then why are you staying up here?"

[agirllost]

"I don't know," she looks down. It's the truth.

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

It might be the truth, but it's not a satisfactory answer.

"What do you think would make you come downstairs again?"

[agirllost]

"I just...everyone's going to be watching out for me, protecting me and I don't...I don't want to have to be guarded."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"They would do that anyway, Kim. This situation with the animal puts everyone in danger, not only you--and that is in no way your fault."

[agirllost]

"Yes it is. If I hadn't gone to that...other place, I wouldn't have been afraid of him, not...not that afraid of him and he wouldn't have hurt me because I couldn't tell him why and..." she takes a breath, "They...they think I need protecting."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"I won't argue about the other place, but you must realise that was not your fault, either. Things happened and you could not control them. And everyone needs protection, at some time...do you think you need protection, Kim?"

[agirllost]

"It..." she looks down at her hands, "took me a long time to convince everyone that I could handle myself...I think they'd started thinking I could again but now..."

"I'm not a child, Elaine. I'm not defenseless but I didn't fight back and I didn't even try and I can't...I can't stop..."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"You can't stop what?" Elaine asks gently. "Can't stop him? Can't stop feeling the way you do? And you can stop him, Kim, from hurting you and the people you love. You can, you just have to find the way."

[agirllost]

She looks up, "I've thought of a way," but there's something a little wild in her eyes.

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"What sort of way?" Elaine asks, concerned at the look in her friend's eye.

[agirllost]

"Have to think about it more, will tell you later...when it's closer to plot time"

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

Elaine nods. She's not sure this is a good or bad thing, but it's something more than self-blame.

"All right. It's a start, I suppose." She looks at Kim. "Alanna's probably going to be giving me another lesson in swordplay next week...would you like to come and watch how dreadfully I get trounced?"

[agirllost]

She nods, "If you don't mind...I think I would like to see the lesson."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

Elaine grins. "Good. I think you'd be interested. Going to Los Angeles didn't do very much for my sword arm, unfortunately, so I've had to play 'catch-up'. I'll let you know when it is."

[agirllost]

"Okay, thank you Elaine."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"You are welcome. I hope you come downstairs soon." Elaine sighs a little, she's still worried. "I should go. Do you need me to bring you anything?"

[agirllost]

She shakes her head, "No, I...I'll be down in a few days. Promise."

[maid-of-astolat.livejournal.com]

"Good. I'll look for you, then. Take care, Kim." Elaine smiles briefly at her, but makes no motion to touch her before heading towards the door.