Kim in her room

[agirllost]

Kim remembers her iPod started working again and puts it on. The music is better than silence, it makes it harder to think.

She is sure that Tony's okay. She keeps telling that to herself even though he hasn't come back. She also tells herself that she's not relieved he left. But that's a lie because she kind of is because she couldn't handle how he felt, the way he felt about himself she couldn't combat and she was sick of playing the blame game with people. Then again, right now, she doesn't want to be an adult. She doesn't want to comfort or maybe she just can't.

She can't believe he'd break his promise so easily.

Of course, 3 Doors Down would be playing. She can't go outside. She should, she knows, go down to the bar, stop sitting, but the thought of facing the outside world is almost paralyzing. The one constant she had in her life - no matter how she felt about her dad she knew he loved her - is gone. Now she feels adrift. She takes off the headphones.

"Do you have a family, Niles?" she asks her fish. "Do you ever miss them?"

Comments

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

Tony leaves Jack's room and finds his way back to Kim's door. He knocks. He shouldn't have scared her like that.

[agirllost]

Kim hears the knock. She stands and goes to the door. She's afraid for a moment that it might be someone coming to tell her bad news or even worse...

She opens it and hugs Tony tightly, relieved.

"You're okay."

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

Tony returns the hug, feeling...better...for the first time in days. He realizes now that he could have never seen her again, never held her again. He would have left her hanging until someone gave her the bad news, and then she would be crushed. Because of him.

He's glad to see her. Relieved, but torn, knowing he could never be anything more than her friend. "I'm sorry, Kim," he whispers.

[agirllost]

She holds on, even surprised by how relieved she actually does feel.

"Did you see him?"

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. He said he was going to apologize about his comments. He, ah, didn't hit me. Wasn't interested."

[agirllost]

"You told him to hit you?" And even though she suspected that's why he went there, she's still surprised.

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"It was real dumb, Kim. Forget about it."

[agirllost]

"What happened to your hand?" It's a question that's been on her mind for hours but she kept forgetting to ask.

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"I um, broke a glass when I was arguing with Jack. Earlier, not when I was in his room today."

[agirllost]

She nods and holds his hand, making sure the bandage is secure and clean, which it seems to be.

"How...how is he?"

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"He's fine. A little tired, but fine. I think he'll talk to you soon."

[agirllost]

Her eyes go wide and she steps back.

She fears seeing him again.

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"Kim?"

Said the wrong thing again... His eyes dart down for a second.

"Look, Kim, he's...he's not going to hurt you, all right? When I mentioned you and why you were upset he said he'd apologize."

He's not helping...

"He's not going to hurt you, Kim."

[agirllost]

She shakes her head. "He doesn't have to touch me or say a word to hurt me, Tony."

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

He doesn't know what to say.

If I say something else she'll be more upset, but I can't help her by saying nothing.

He grimaces in frustration. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Stupid question...

[agirllost]

She looks up at him gratefully and nods.

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

He's relieved. "Okay." He closes the door, walks Kim to the bed and sits down next to her. "I'm here. Talk to me."

[agirllost]

She knows how insane what she's about to say is going to sound, but he asked to hear it.

"No matter how our relationship is...dad always looks at me and regards me in this way...I can't explain it. But I really fear seeing him because," and she half-laughs because she's a 20 year old woman talking about how her dad feels about her and this is almost absurd.

"Because I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't look at me that way."

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"In what way?"

[agirllost]

"I can't describe it...I guess for lack of a better way of saying it - loved."

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"He still loves you, Kim. He was angry when he last saw you, but he's had time to think and he's sorry. I don't know how he'll look at you but...God, I hope he doesn't not look at you that way."

[agirllost]

She's quiet for a few moments.

"I don't care if he's sorry," she finally whispers. "He just..." and she says it although she didn't want to.

"Now that he has Audrey and this new life I'm just a reminder..."

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"Kim, if your father wanted to forget he wouldn't have made an effort to speak to you." He sighs. "I should know. I did that after I was released from prison."

[agirllost]

She sniffles. "That's when I was angry at him. He doesn't like it when people are distant or angry with *him*."

She touches Tony's arm, squeezes his good hand.

[iwasalevel6.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, your father can be a hypocrite. We all have our flaws. Sometimes they can destroy the good relationships we have, if we're not careful." He stops. That's hitting a little too close to home, and he doesn't want to start throwing himself a pity-party. Not when Kim needs his attention.