(no subject)

[agirllost]

'I am the bud, I am the flower, be the flower, feel the sun on your petals, feel yourself opening up to the Source...' she thinks as she sits crosslegged on her bed. At the moment though, she feels more like a weed than a rose.

Other things keep interrupting her practice - thoughts about her family she can't push out of her mind, worries about the future, and most of all this sensation that she's standing at the edge of a cliff and about to jump off. But she feels, for the first time in weeks, that something will catch her if she takes that first step.

Selae was a patient teacher and she answered Kim's questions without making her feel like an idiot for asking them. Some of what her teacher said was too familiar for comfort, but she listened intently, and tried to follow along.

'I am the bud. I open up to the world, I surrender to the Source...' she thinks again, trying to clear her mind.

'I've frightened them all, I've hurt them, and I don't know how I'm going to make things right again'

She almost had Saidar and it slips away, pushing her back to the beginning of trying to clear her mind.

Comments

[agirllost]

"My mom, she...killed one of the guards and then...my Dad found us," she still remembers that feeling of relief, of shock, of thinking, 'I knew you'd come.'

She's pulled back for a moment to that time and she has to blink and look up to bring herself back to the present.

"Later they...took me again, but that time, I saved myself."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"Grandma was a brave woman, wasn't she?"

Brave and strong like you and Grampa.

"What did you do?"

[agirllost]

Kim nods, "I never really...she was amazing, I...wish you could meet her."

'She promised'

"I was being held near the water and I threw coffee onto the guard's face and jumped off the dock...I was, still am, a good swimmer."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angela grins. "Maybe she'll come here someday." She really hopes so.

"Well, you used what you had, right?" She likes the idea of her mom taking out the guard with coffee.

She is beginning to think she didn't do so badly with the Man in the woods. After all, she kicked and scratched till he got off her and she didn't get raped.

It was something.

"How long did you swim for?"

[agirllost]

She smiles slightly in return, "I hope she comes back."

Another glance away, "It felt like forever...but I made it back to land...I had to," she looks at Angie. "Dad was coming to make a trade - him for me."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angie's eyes widen. "What happened?"

[agirllost]

She holds Angela's hand, squeezing it gently. "I got back to CTU and Dad...he somehow killed all of them."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"How...how does he deal with all of that. I can't...imagine..."

And then she realizes something. "That's when Grandma died, isn't it?"

[agirllost]

"I don't know, but...he doesn't...always deal with it so well."

She nods, "Not...then but when I got back to CTU, I..."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angela pulls her mother into a hug. "What happened?"

She's almost afraid to find out.

[agirllost]

She hugs her back, "Mom and Nina somehow wound up in the same place...and Nina shot her."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Mom, I'm sorry."

She can't imagine how awful that must have been. "And Grampa..."

[agirllost]

She swallows, surprised to find herself on the brink of tears, but some stories, some events, never really lose their power.

"Dad trusted Nina, they worked together and Mom's death just...it was a bad time."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angela nods, still holding her mother. Who, after all, wasn't very much older at this point than she is now.

"I can't imagine losing someone you love like that."

[agirllost]

"I hope you never have to go through anything like that, Angie," she takes a shaky breath. "My mom would do anything to protect me...and I would do anything to protect you."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

There might be tears leaking from Angie's eyes. "I know," she whispers.

And Angie would do anything she could to protect her family. If there was anything a scrawny teenager could do.

[agirllost]

Kim holds her tighter, "A few days ago I thought...I thought that pushing you away would keep you safe from me, but it's okay now, I promise."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angie nods. "Okay. I trust you."

She doesn't believe her mother would ever hurt her.

"I was just afraid for you and I wanted to help. I hadn't seen you or Dad for days."

[agirllost]

"I know you did," she kisses her cheek. "Sometimes...you can't."

At the mention of Chase she's still for a moment, "You haven't?"

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angie shakes her head. "So I was worried."

And she's worried still. She doesn't want them to be fighting.

"Did something happen with you and Dad?" she asks nervously.

[agirllost]

"No, everything's going to be okay, Angie...just hit a few bad days."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"Okay," she says, though she's not quite sure she believes that.

She'll take it, for now. "I really should be getting to bed. I've not been sleeping well the past few nights."

[agirllost]

Angie doesn't sound like she buys that explanation, but Kim's grateful she doesn't push.

She nods, "Will you be okay tonight?"

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"I think so. I'm feeling better. You'll be all right?"

[agirllost]

"I think so," she pulls back to give her a small smile. "If you want...you could stay with me."