(no subject)

[agirllost]

'I am the bud, I am the flower, be the flower, feel the sun on your petals, feel yourself opening up to the Source...' she thinks as she sits crosslegged on her bed. At the moment though, she feels more like a weed than a rose.

Other things keep interrupting her practice - thoughts about her family she can't push out of her mind, worries about the future, and most of all this sensation that she's standing at the edge of a cliff and about to jump off. But she feels, for the first time in weeks, that something will catch her if she takes that first step.

Selae was a patient teacher and she answered Kim's questions without making her feel like an idiot for asking them. Some of what her teacher said was too familiar for comfort, but she listened intently, and tried to follow along.

'I am the bud. I open up to the world, I surrender to the Source...' she thinks again, trying to clear her mind.

'I've frightened them all, I've hurt them, and I don't know how I'm going to make things right again'

She almost had Saidar and it slips away, pushing her back to the beginning of trying to clear her mind.

Comments

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, the stuff about the assassination attempts on President Palmer's life, and the nuclear bomb thing..."

She doesn't know about how Grampa nearly died with the bomb.

"There were some other terrorist attacks during the same time. I took some of the stories I'd heard and connected them together."

[agirllost]

She looks down, trying not to show her reaction to remembering the nuclear bomb.

She'll never forget that phone call.

"He is very brave," she puts her arm around her shoulders. "But he's bravest when dealing with danger, not so brave when it comes to...other things."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angie licks her lips and swallows. Maybe she's more like Mom and Grampa then even they know.

"Yeah?"

[agirllost]

"He...after my mom died, well, in some ways he's never really gotten over it."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angie nods. "It must be awful, to lose someone like that."

[agirllost]

"You've...never run into a Nina Myers here, have you?"

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"No." Angie shakes her head. "I really haven't met that many people here."

[agirllost]

Her hold on Angie tightens just a little, "She's not someone you want to meet."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"She hurt you?"

She really doesn't know about Nina. She's never heard her name before.

[agirllost]

"What did they tell you about the first assassination attempt in school?"

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"That most of it was thwarted by the people at CTU...and they did mention Grampa by name as having been a part of it. Not much else."

[agirllost]

"That's true," she looks over at Angie. "I was your age when it happened, I know I said that before, but...," she presses her lips together for a moment, not sure if she should tell this story.

"Mom and I were kidnapped by some people who wanted to kill the President."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angela blinks. "But...why? Why you?"

[agirllost]

"Because of something that my Dad did for the government."

She breathes out, trying to get her thoughts in order. "Dad was on a mission somewhere, for the army, I think, and he was supposed to kill a man. He killed the man's double and part of the man's family, accidentally...and the man and the rest of his family -- they wanted revenge."

She watches Angela for her reaction, wishing she didn't have to fill in the gaps, hoping she understands - but how can she? Even Kim isn't sure of the facts entirely.

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angela's mouth falls open. "So...they kidnapped you and Grandma...so they could get revenge on Grampa...what does that have to do with the President?"

[agirllost]

"I'm...not entirely sure, I think that the President, he was involved in trying to kill that man," she bites the inside of her lip. "You might have to ask your Grampa."

She glances down, "They took us to make him go along with their plan, I think, they...wanted him to kill Palmer."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"That's...that's awful. You must have felt so helpless...how did you ever get out of it?"

Angela can imagine very well how her mom must have felt.

[agirllost]

"My mom, she...killed one of the guards and then...my Dad found us," she still remembers that feeling of relief, of shock, of thinking, 'I knew you'd come.'

She's pulled back for a moment to that time and she has to blink and look up to bring herself back to the present.

"Later they...took me again, but that time, I saved myself."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"Grandma was a brave woman, wasn't she?"

Brave and strong like you and Grampa.

"What did you do?"

[agirllost]

Kim nods, "I never really...she was amazing, I...wish you could meet her."

'She promised'

"I was being held near the water and I threw coffee onto the guard's face and jumped off the dock...I was, still am, a good swimmer."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angela grins. "Maybe she'll come here someday." She really hopes so.

"Well, you used what you had, right?" She likes the idea of her mom taking out the guard with coffee.

She is beginning to think she didn't do so badly with the Man in the woods. After all, she kicked and scratched till he got off her and she didn't get raped.

It was something.

"How long did you swim for?"

[agirllost]

She smiles slightly in return, "I hope she comes back."

Another glance away, "It felt like forever...but I made it back to land...I had to," she looks at Angie. "Dad was coming to make a trade - him for me."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

Angie's eyes widen. "What happened?"

[agirllost]

She holds Angela's hand, squeezing it gently. "I got back to CTU and Dad...he somehow killed all of them."

[angela-edmunds.livejournal.com]

"How...how does he deal with all of that. I can't...imagine..."

And then she realizes something. "That's when Grandma died, isn't it?"